A selfish post...

I got to talk to Erich last night - maybe only because his dad made him (I called there). I hadn't talked to him since the 8th. I had gotten a one-line email here or there, but not many good conversations... nothing really new to report - school, friends and weekend trips... still, none of their things have arrived. It's all in Brazil on a dock somewhere. Getting closer!

I struggle with feeling like I am out-of-sight, out-of-mind... like I've 'lost' him. I know it's just downright retarded of me to think that way and admittedly, I am happy that he is happy - because if he was miserable there I'd feel pretty helpless. But every once in a while I sink into these little pity parties I have for myself... I am sure all parents of near teenagers 'lose' their kids as they grow more independent and push more boundaries... if he were home maybe he'd have me drop him off at school a block away as the stories go. I'm no longer 'cool' or 'hip'! :) Whatever happened to those days when I was the BEST MOM EVER???

I am reminded of a song by Mark Schultz called "When You Come Home." The lyrics follow. I cannot read them or listen to the song without thinking of Erich and crying... Erich - when you read this and get to the chorus (in bold) - know that these words are exactly how I feel. I am always here - no matter how far. I am sure you'll roll your eyes and say "whatever" but for all the moms out there than can relate, here is a great song:

My first day of recess
They all laughed at me
When I fell off the swing set
And scraped up my knee
The nurse called my Momma
To say I'd be late,
And when she gave me the phone
I could hear Momma say
"I'm so sorry, son. Oh I think you're' so brave"
And she was smilin when she said:

When you come home,
No matter how far,
Run through the door
And into my arms
It's where you are loved,
It's where you belong
And I will be here
When you come home

I waved good-bye through the window
As I boarded the plane,
My first job in Houston
Was waiting for me
I found a letter from Momma
Tucked in my coat
And as I flew down the runway
I smiled when she wrote:
I'll miss you, son,
You'll be so far away
But I'll be waiting for the day

When you come home
No matter how far,
Run through the door
And into my arms
It's where you are loved,
It's where you belong,
And I will be here
When you come home

Well, I don't think
She can hear you now,
The doctor told me
Your mother is fading,
It's best that you leave
So I whispered, I love you
And then turned away.
But I stopped at the door
When I heard Momma say,
I love you, son,
But they're callin me away
Promise me before I go

When you come home,
No matter how far,
Run through the door
And into my arms;
It's where you are loved,
It's where you belong,
And I will be here
When you come home,
When you come home